Another enjoyable , well written, and interesting piece, Spencer. Eleanor surely knew, and could feel, how much you and HM loved her. She basked in that love! I’ve witnessed many examples of your language of love, especially toward Heather Marie. Carefully chosen gifts, supporting and joining in on her love of Improv, your tenderness toward her. I’m happy to be connected to you, and I am saying, I love you!
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Spencer Orenstein Lequerica
In Spanish, we have the casual "te quiero," which can be translated as I like you and the loaded "te amo." I very seldom use the latter. However, in English is very easy to say things like "I love pizza," when in reality, I may only like pizza a lot. I find those kind of quirks of language fascinating.
I think that between men, it can be challenging to show affection for one of our brothers. I have a few men in my life who wouldn't flinch if I told them I love them. I also come from a very touchy-feely culture, so we use that instead of words to communicate affection.
My wife says that my love language is acts of service since I enjoy making her life easier by helping her do some of the tasks she dislikes. But obviously, verbalizing my love for her is important.
I'm so glad you made this comment, Walther. There is a part of the podcast where they talk about luv vs love in English and I originally had a section where I talked about that and brought up the examples of te quiero vs te amo. Although I'm a native English speaker I also speak Spanish and have actually had a conversation with my best friend (who I mention in the piece and who is Colombian) about this very question and why it feels so charged to say te amo.
And you make a wonderful point about how there are so many ways to show affection beyond words. I'm also someone who uses acts of service as the main way to communicate love. I think we can honor our natural tendencies and also, as you say, occasionally step outside of our comfort zones and find new ways to tell the people in our life that we love them.
My mom is Cuban (Lequerica is her maiden name). In my daily life in the US I only use Orenstein, but one of the first pieces that I wrote here was about her and I decided it was a way to honor both parts of my family by using the two names for my writing. I started to learn Spanish from her and in my grandparents house as a kid, but just very rudimentary things. When I got older and as my mom got sick I thought that I would be able to connect with her better if I really learned to speak Spanish properly, so I moved to Argentina. This is the post that I wrote about my mom, my relationship with her, and my relationship with English and Spanish https://thebrownbarge.substack.com/p/how-long-can-you-live-in-isolation
Just saved your piece on learning English to read later! And yes being bilingual is a super power. I think many more people could learn languages and see how much the world opens up when you get to speak to someone in their native language. And we can start the next gimlet lol :)
OMG, Cat Hat! My 12 year old cat, Garrison, does the exact same thing. We also call it Cat Hat! I grew up with cats but Garrison is the only one I've known who does that, but maybe it's a thing with some cats? We love him deeply. Thanks for sharing!
It's always such a heartache to lose a family pet. I'm sorry for your loss. This is yet another deeply touching and vulnerable piece. Showing and expressing love can be difficult and make us feel so raw and naked, so thank you for being so open with us.
Love, the beginning, middle and end of everything. Our purpose and our delight. Raisin d’être. Expressed by drinking in the scent of a rose, savouring the taste of freshly brewed coffee, placing a hand on the back of a friend, noticing the detail of another’s life, speaking truth, slipping the body into water.... ‘how do I love thee, let me count the ways’ and of course saying I love you. ♥️
Another enjoyable , well written, and interesting piece, Spencer. Eleanor surely knew, and could feel, how much you and HM loved her. She basked in that love! I’ve witnessed many examples of your language of love, especially toward Heather Marie. Carefully chosen gifts, supporting and joining in on her love of Improv, your tenderness toward her. I’m happy to be connected to you, and I am saying, I love you!
Thank you Kim! I love you too and it has been so nice to be welcomed with open arms from the start by the entire family!
In Spanish, we have the casual "te quiero," which can be translated as I like you and the loaded "te amo." I very seldom use the latter. However, in English is very easy to say things like "I love pizza," when in reality, I may only like pizza a lot. I find those kind of quirks of language fascinating.
I think that between men, it can be challenging to show affection for one of our brothers. I have a few men in my life who wouldn't flinch if I told them I love them. I also come from a very touchy-feely culture, so we use that instead of words to communicate affection.
My wife says that my love language is acts of service since I enjoy making her life easier by helping her do some of the tasks she dislikes. But obviously, verbalizing my love for her is important.
I'm so glad you made this comment, Walther. There is a part of the podcast where they talk about luv vs love in English and I originally had a section where I talked about that and brought up the examples of te quiero vs te amo. Although I'm a native English speaker I also speak Spanish and have actually had a conversation with my best friend (who I mention in the piece and who is Colombian) about this very question and why it feels so charged to say te amo.
And you make a wonderful point about how there are so many ways to show affection beyond words. I'm also someone who uses acts of service as the main way to communicate love. I think we can honor our natural tendencies and also, as you say, occasionally step outside of our comfort zones and find new ways to tell the people in our life that we love them.
How did you learn Spanish? Does it have something to do with your other Last Name?
And I don't know why it feels loaded but it just does.
My mom is Cuban (Lequerica is her maiden name). In my daily life in the US I only use Orenstein, but one of the first pieces that I wrote here was about her and I decided it was a way to honor both parts of my family by using the two names for my writing. I started to learn Spanish from her and in my grandparents house as a kid, but just very rudimentary things. When I got older and as my mom got sick I thought that I would be able to connect with her better if I really learned to speak Spanish properly, so I moved to Argentina. This is the post that I wrote about my mom, my relationship with her, and my relationship with English and Spanish https://thebrownbarge.substack.com/p/how-long-can-you-live-in-isolation
Also, what in the world is happening. I wrote a piece about how I learned English: https://walthercantu.substack.com/p/english-as-a-second-language
Isn't this at least a bit freaky to you? We should start a podcast LOL
Thanks for sharing, I'll give it a read. That's awesome, we have the same super power, we're bilingual!
Just saved your piece on learning English to read later! And yes being bilingual is a super power. I think many more people could learn languages and see how much the world opens up when you get to speak to someone in their native language. And we can start the next gimlet lol :)
OMG, Cat Hat! My 12 year old cat, Garrison, does the exact same thing. We also call it Cat Hat! I grew up with cats but Garrison is the only one I've known who does that, but maybe it's a thing with some cats? We love him deeply. Thanks for sharing!
Glad to hear there are other lovable weirdo cats out there doing the Cat Hat! I too have never had another cat do it besides Eleanor.
It's always such a heartache to lose a family pet. I'm sorry for your loss. This is yet another deeply touching and vulnerable piece. Showing and expressing love can be difficult and make us feel so raw and naked, so thank you for being so open with us.
I appreciate the kind words and sympathy, Nadia. My partner wrote a much longer piece about our cat Eleanor on her Substack as well https://museumofmynostalgia.substack.com/p/the-grief-of-nostalgia-the-nostalgia.
I will read ASAP! Thank you for sharing.
Love, the beginning, middle and end of everything. Our purpose and our delight. Raisin d’être. Expressed by drinking in the scent of a rose, savouring the taste of freshly brewed coffee, placing a hand on the back of a friend, noticing the detail of another’s life, speaking truth, slipping the body into water.... ‘how do I love thee, let me count the ways’ and of course saying I love you. ♥️
Thank you for the lovely comment, alice-ann!